you must have been a beautiful baby

hi friends. hope you enjoyed your weekend. i think i did. saturday was just a flurry of emotions. i completed my columbia pre-college course in screenwriting. very bittersweet. i received such wonderful feedback on the closing segment of my screenplay, and now i begin the process of revision, except for my ending, which i admit i have fallen in love with. it feels good. and i find myself smiling at the thought of it all. continuing on, i went to a rehearsal, left early, and went to go see my school's production of chicago. in short short short terms, it was captivating! and somehow, sitting next to pauline chalamet, i was less distracted than i thought i would be. i have not been able to shut up about it, she was a former crush of mine. and she was sweet and funny and laughed at my joke! i can die happy now. kidding. not until i've said everything i have to, and who knows when that will be?!

sunday, i slept in. recently, my body has loved falling asleep to the tune of 8 or 8:30. and then sleeping and sleeping until almost afternoon. fifteen hours of sleep is insanity. my mother speculates seasonal affective disorder. i speculate a severe case of exhaustion. because it is exhausting, isn't it? all of this. the whole up down dance of the human experience. excuse my philosophical spirit, are you threatened by my impulse to dive deep into my psyche? or it it just too early? ha. we can save all of that for another time.

i'm sure you're wondering what the title of this blog means. "you must have been a beautiful baby" is a song by bing crosby, but i am specifically referring to the cover by nancy lamott. i came across lamott's version sometime around a month ago. there is something very alluring about this cover. if you have the time, i suggest you give it a listen. anyways, i chose to include this line because i think it's a high form of compliment. she sings "oh you must've been a beautiful baby,

'cause baby look at you now." you're beautiful! isn't that sweet? not a whole lot of analyzing there, i just think it's cute. not everything i say or do is cryptic. but most things i say or do are cryptic. speaking in messages is easier than outright saying things. if that is annoying to you, i'm sorry. i tried the whole 'total honesty' thing and it didn't really work out for me. although, i do believe there are some points in ones life where they must be 100% transparent and honest. look at me, so contradictory today. at some point, you get sick of leaving little hints and messages and waiting for people to catch on. at some point, you have to slap a person in the face and scream everything straight into their ear. this is metaphorical, of course. anyways, honesty is a fickle thing. i find that you can't be honest about one thing without being honest about everything. and that's a difficult situation to maneuver. well, now i'm all confused. i don't know whether being honest or cryptic is better. crypticness is easier, but honesty is probably better. but i don't think i do the "better" thing all of the time. i don't know. i think it depends on the scenario. i'll leave it up to you for rumination. don't get yourself all twisted.

my brain hurts after all of that. so i think this post should probably come to an end. before i go, i would like to wish a very happy birthday to my brother. i was thinking about dedicating a whole post to you, but i think you would rather i keep this short and sweet. also, you don't read these. anyways, i love you, and you are my best friend. and you were a very beautiful baby.

"oh you must've been a beautiful baby, 'cause baby look at you now!" , "you must have been a beautiful baby" - bing crosby (performed by nancy lamott)

-epic awesome cool girl who loves her brother most of the time

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