for real

hi friends. in all honestly, i had already written this whole post but then my website ran into ISSUES and everything reloaded and now everything is gone and i am very upset. however, i remain determined to bridge this communication gap between us. so, for the second time, i hope you are doing well. some very crazy things happened. a couple days ago marked the one year anniversary of this blog!!!! such an insane thing. writing to you has been one of the greatest joys this past year, and i'm happy i still am. i hope you are as well.

i was talking to my therapist today and she asked me if the happiness i've been feeling recently is just mania or for real. i told her that i thought it was for real because i recognized that i can still be sad. happiness is not infinite and almost never exclusive. like, i can be happy and still have remnants of sad. and i think that is a little bit of a beautiful thing because i never have to be confined to just feeling one thing. i don't know. i'm happy junior year is over. i think there has been a lot of growth for me this year. in september, i was a person with very different motivations for the things i did. and now, my motivations are a little more personal in all the right places. i hope that makes sense. if it doesn't, just know it is a happy thing. happy for real. so thank you for that.

i apologize for not writing in a while. the truth is, i've been very busy. i made a short film! with some really very cool people. and it was really awesome to pour my emotions into something other than my thoughts. i really do love making things and putting parts of myself into them. why else would i have a blog?! anyways, if i can figure out how to use my impossible editing software, hopefully you'll see it soon. during this whole process, i started to think about my future and my life after high school. i am very happy to say that, as of now, i would like to pursue a b.a. in screenwriting and playwriting with minors in filmmaking and acting. sooooo much but what is the point of passion if not to drive me to do everything i wish to do? hey, i also did a show! and that was fun and sad and fun and silly and fun. and that's all i think i have to say about that.

one year ago i saw phoebe bridgers in concert and i actually have not been alive since that night and i died and turned into a demon or angel or something out of body and much greater than anything i could ever be. thanks phoebe!

i leave in a few days. don't know the next time we'll talk, but i would like to wish you a spectacular summer. i hope it is everything you dream. see you later!

" i love the movies

i know the meaning

i know the story

i know the glory

i love movies" , "movies" - weyes blood

-epic awesome cool girl with lots of love