for catherine and rhona.

right now, i am sitting in the library. i like the library. it feels like a little escape from everything else that goes on at school. i come here when i feel overwhelmed, or sad, or angry, or nothing at all. i sometimes sleep here. i read a lot. i listen to music. it's tranquil, and these days, tranquility is hard to find. so here i am, and today i was especially excited to read a collection of poems by marge piercy. the book is called "the moon is always female." it's got a really beautiful range, from classic to comical, haunting to erotic. anyways, i really like it. i purchased this book from a book stand in the union square winter market, and over these past months, i find myself periodically coming back to reading it. so many of its descriptions ring incredibly true, and i appreciate how my mind thinks how she writes. anyways, this book is pre-loved, and on the inside of the front cover there is a note.

"dear catherine,

thank you for everything. i will miss you.

love,

rhona"

now, what is so especially intriguing about this message is it leaves so much up to interpretation. it's not like "thank you for letting me borrow that shirt!" or "i will miss you when you leave for greece this summer." no. it says "thank you for everything. i will miss you." and what is so fascinating is the fact that rhona chose to give catherine this specific book. a book rooted in such consuming love. so, obviously, i start to imagine. were they friends? lovers? i have so many questions. my biggest one being: how did this book, this message, end up at the union square winter market? why is it not with catherine? perhaps rhona realized that this book was too forward a confession of love to her friend, and she could not bring herself to pour her heart out before catherine left overseas. so on her way to deliver it to catherine, she changes her mind and leaves it on a bookstand in the union square winter market. or maybe rhona went through with it and tells catherine, who is overwhelmed with joy and expresses that she loves her back, and she'll stay in new york to be with rhona. maybe the two get married and start a life together. they go to the union square winter market every year with their children. they grow old together in their little house in queens. they own a collection of plants. they listen to classic jazz on the stereo. they drink two cups of tea a day. they are happy. years later, when rhona dies, catherine decides to have a fresh start. somewhere else. the children left for college, the plants have withered, the stereo broke, and her love is gone. there is nothing else left for her here. she decides to move to the south of france, where her and rhona dreamed of one day settling in an old house in the countryside. as she is cleaning out her things, she stumbles upon the book. maybe she feels joy after finding it. maybe she takes it with her and cherishes it for the rest of her life, because it makes her feel like a piece of rhona is still there. maybe all she can feel after finding the book, is more grief. she decides to give it away, and she feels deeply in her broken heart, that there is no better place for such a pivotal memory than the brisk air of the union square winter market.

but most likely, none of that happened. but it's fun to wonder.

"you wake in the early grey morning in bed alone and curse me, that i am only sometimes there. but when i am with you, i light up the corners, i am bright as a fireplace roaring with love, every bone in my back and my fingers is singing like a tea kettle on the boil. my heart wags me, a big dog with a bigger tail. i am a new coin printed with your face. my body wears sore before i can express on yours the smallest part of what moves me. words shred and splinter. i want to make with you some bold new thing to stand in the marketplace, the statue of a goddess laughing, armed and wearing flowers and feathers. like sheep of whose hair is made blankets and coats, i want to force from this fierce sturdy rampant love some useful thing." -"will we work together?", marge piercy , "the moon is always female"

-epic awesome cool girl who sits in the library and wonders