bittersweet symmetry

everything really does come full circle. i guess i thought i could predict how things would fall out, but i didn't. and i can't! it'll be alright. i guess i've been so wrapped up in how good things feel that i forget sometimes things feel bad. and i get worried when things feel bad because i'm scared of them feeling bad forever. they won't. i keep learning the same lessons over and over again and i never seem to get it into my brain. so i guess i'll do that dance again. over the hill and back again.

i love the quiet and very simple moments. i love things that don't require a lot of thought, but are also very thoughtful. love is easy, and i keep forgetting it! why do i think that to love i have to kick and scratch to feel it? i have never been one to run away from the storm, but who says i need to stand in the eye of the hurricane to feel the rain????? some things should come easier. i think a lot of people would be happier that way. or at least i would be. not to say i'm lazy. i don't think i am. i just tend to run scary marathons in my head before tying my shoes. too many metaphors. at this point, even i don't know what i'm saying. but you usually know better than i, i'm sure.

it's been a little bit of a very long time. if you miss me, i'm no longer thinking of you. what an amazing thing. i'm writing to you a lot because someone ought to know what i think. and if you have ever heard me speak my stupid words, it's hardly ever what i think. did you ever think i know more than i let on? well, i know nothing at all. back to the circle. i think it's funny, when you see the full picture, you realize you knew it all along. or at least i think that. i don't like to be wrong. so i find ways to make myself right. even if it feels worse that way. at least it doesn't feel wrong.

i'm thinking about how little sense all of this put together makes. sorry. i just had a lot of things floating around and i needed to put them all in one place. hopefully next time i write to you it'll be something normal. i'm thinking of doing a "what's 'in' with me" post where i just tell you about the things i like. and also things i don't like. maybe i'll get around to that. currently, my life consists of portfolio building for film school and lighting many candles. also, i've been burning incense. i ought to benefit from an energy cleanse. it's too cluttered up there. see you in the next one.

"so be it, i’m your crowbar

if that’s what i am so far

until you get out of this mess" , "i know" - fiona apple

-epic awesome cool girl who will wait by the backstage door