anything but carpal tunnel!!!!!

hi friends. november has been quite a whirlwind! where do i even begin? not sure. i'll just talk about myself a little, what else did you expect?

i am very much deep in thought, all of the time. there are many wonderful things about being an avid thinker (i thrive under creative writing assignments), and i've come to enjoy and admire some of the many musings my brain can produce. but i also think that my brain and mouth must never be on the same page. i think all of these beautiful things, and then all that comes out is garbage. that's why i like writing so much. it's much easier and more effective to have all of the things i want to say on a page. so, the moral is, never listen to a single word that comes out of my mouth! nobody does anyways. joke! but, nevertheless, i write. and write and write and write until that oh-so-familiar pain in the side of my right hand says hello. i hope i'm not getting carpal tunnel. not before i'm done writing a very exciting thought. or string of thoughts. big projects where i get to write a bunch are super fun. and distracting, but who doesn't love a bit of distraction?

i've missed these casual entries. i feel like a bit of a broken record, always on and on about the same old things. i hope you know, i'm not all dark and despair. i do, in fact, have a life, where i do things and feel joy and don't just sit and write on my blog. kind of. maybe? anyways, i was thinking, as i often do, and my mind wandered on the past. about a year ago, i was so incredibly content with being alone. one could almost say i enjoyed it. i didn't crave being surrounded all of the time. a lot has changed since then. i began to be around people so much, i never really felt like myself. i was on all of the time. i think it's important to be alone sometimes. because you learn so much about yourself when you're alone. i find that you learn about the world as well. these past few weeks, in my solitude, i've been getting really good at noticing things about people. i find everyone so interesting. and terrifying. i love it. now, don't get me wrong, i like being alone. but, i hate being isolated. isolation may be one of my biggest fears, up there with change. when you're just alone, you can always choose not to be alone. you have an option. but, isolation is a completely different ballpark. because you don't get to leave that. you don't get to surround yourself with people anymore. and it feels a little bit like you're dying. i hope you never feel like that. and if you ever want to not be alone, i've heard of this epic awesome cool girl who's always around if you need her.

if i don't talk to you until the end of this month, a very happy thanksgiving. i'm thankful for you, if you didn't already know that.

"for what is a man, what has he got

if not himself then he has not

to say all the things he truly feels

and not the words of one who kneels

the record shows, i took the blows

but i did it my way....." - "my way" , frank sinatra

-epic awesome cool girl who is feeling that pain on the side of her right hand